Yesterday marked the first official Reality Bender training. It was an intimate affair with 8 people in the room. We did the first round installation of the Human Operating System, the Default State, and the Connected State. We talked about the Logogram and Biogram – none of which i’m going to explain in this post – just catalog. While i look forward to feedback from people who attended the training, here are some pics from the day.
Thanks everyone who attended.
When i was a senior in college, in pursuit of Jessica, one of the hottest, smartest, most well-spoken females ever, i learned to rock climb. Jessica, i found out, was a lesbian, so rock climbing was one of the few ins i had available. In taking it, i got to feel in my muscles what it meant to follow my fascination (and in this case lust) right up a mountain. That was 10 years ago, the first and only time i strapped on those rubber soled booties and hung myself from a cliff.
Recently, a new acquaintance invited me to climb those same cliffs. While i don’t typically court death for sport, i like pressing new boundaries into my muscles. So there i was, hanging on the edge of a cliff in the Shawangunk Mountains, adrenaline filling every crevice of my body. With one foot on the nearest (miniscule) protrusion i could find, i levered a fingertip in another nook to push me skyward. The calf muscle that was bearing weight began a sewing machine-like spasm decidedly out of rhythm with my somewhat frantic mental assessments, “which of these tiny little bumps should i step on?!” After two minutes pregnant with fatigue and failed calculations, i realized i wasn’t getting any stronger, sturdier or well-decided and realized immediate action was the safest course. I lurched forward onto the mountain, clawing for a finger hold and doing my best to trust the friction of my rubber soles to keep me attached to its face long enough to get to a better spot.
I made it to the next resting spot, where I was to hook my pelvic harness into ropes that connected me to the mountain, at which point I could just let go and hang. So i leaned back and let the harness take my weight. My muscles sighed, and my eyes went soft. I slumped forward to smell the earthy quartzite and leaned back to feel the sun press into my moist pores. Letting go into the harness, i felt the heft of my own body release, and i hung, for the moment, effortlessly.
It was a raw sort of relaxation, akin to crying until nothing’s left, or snowboarding for ten hours straight. My mind and muscles were taxed and I simply was…hundreds of feet above the ground.
Michealangelo said, “In every block of marble I see a statue as plain as though it stood before me, shaped and perfect in attitude and action. I have only to hew away the rough walls that imprison the lovely apparition to reveal it to the other eyes as mine see it.”
When i resumed my climb, worn raw by exertion, too tired to think or question, i was suddenly inside the lure of the mountain, and i understood.
In a way, a memory palace is an extravagant expenditure of time to develop. To that i have two things to say, it’s totally worth setting up as something to allow to develop through time. It’s easy once you get the hang of it. The easiest way, of course, is to have it installed by a professional so that it just starts growing itself – but in lieu of that, starting construction on your own is a great idea.
This is certainly not the least time intensive way to develop your memory but it may be the most comprehensive and certainly the most fun. Plus, it kicks ass as a way to develop your senses, your ability to hallucinate, and your various states of awareness.
One of my favorite Benders and one of the smartest people i’ve ever had the good fortune to meet, Howard Bloom just sent me the following email:
Devon,
….It’s a video on a different form of solar power–space solar power–as our way out of the energy crisis. It’s a little underground project I’ve been working on with Buzz Aldrin, Edgar Mitchell, and a crew of NASA renegades.
Behavioral flexibility begins with the willingness to learn. Be open to learning, be a neophile rather than a neophobe and the the world of behavior opens like a ripe nectarine. The Law of Requisite Variety holds true in human interaction – SHe with the most behavrioal flexibility wins.
Connecting is a skill. Accessing the Connected State is foundational in generating truly ecstatic experiences – for yourself and others. Humans are social creatures – we connect naturally. All you really need to do is learn to let go so that you’re available for the connection right in front of you. Once you learn to do this, your senses open up to whoever you’re with and you’ll notice signals from your lover that most everyone else has missed. See Episode #17 – The Kelly Revelation for more on the Connected State.
True luxury is found in clothing that has been shaped and honed by the human hand.
When crafted with authenticity, an accessory is a deeply personal and precious artifact.
The personalized luxury wardrobe is something that each man builds himself, one piece at a time. He may have an entire collection of suits, knitwear, and outerwear that has been made to measure especially for him. He may own a single pair of ready-to-wear shoes, customized through his choice of color.
- Tom Ford
Benders live inside a ceaseless exploration and expression of their unique sensibilities.
Reality Bending is aesthetic in nature. True bending is the perfect expression of your existence – your own changeless nature. When Bending, everything is your art – where you carry your weight, the rhythm of your voice, the places you put your attention, the places you put the attention of others. All of these are choices which you have made or you’re making in time. They are expressions of your Bending. The very act of Bending forces you into aesthetic ecstasy. And whether that ecstasy is stable or short-lived…humble or arrogant…exciting or mundane…it is always…a living form…of satisfaction…steadily pulsing…informing everything…as you serve…and wield it…
A quote from one of the great Benders of the world:
The aesthetic position cannot be spoken … nor can it be written … and therefore I have chosen more and more to remain silent.
I find myself drawn by the pull of the aesthetic. I’ve said clearly that the work I do resides in the aesthetic … neither scientific or psychological, neither rational or irrational … maybe non-rational, it’s not even philosophical … although it’s most definitely informed by all of these and contained by none of them. I follow the pattern to see where it leads. Try selling that to a client who thinks they are paying for results!
Yet … this is where I am … embracing and embraced by the aesthetic. I am positioning myself more and more to hold this position … for myself and for those who seek something of the same … aesthetic arrest.
- Joseph Riggio
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I got an email the other day through my SexWithDevon website from a woman who was in a sexless marriage. Let’s call her Dawn. Lacking touch, Dawn became obsessed with physical attention and when she didn’t get it, which was always, her muscles knotted up in muscular morse code – her body relaying the message that something was askew. In all my years of working with people i’ve noticed that this is something very common because when we’re not on our path our bodies have a way of letting us know. This is something that most people tend to forget – that experience happens in our body. Our bodies are our own personal Magellan’s letting us know if we’re on track or off.
No doubt Dawn and her husband thought they were doing the right thing. In fact what they had done was to establish a paralyzing complex of well-intended commitments to each other that they used to override their most primal signals for whether or not they were on track. But for Dawn, the commitments began literally manifesting in the beginning stages of muscular paralysis. By the time we spoke she was so tense that seeing someone else get a massage at a party evoked tears and pain in her. With a few minutes to talk, i called her.
In trying to protect and love her husband, she made sacrifices that her well-being could not withstand – she sacrificed the quick of her own passion. She sacrificed being at her best. And in doing so, she sacrificed what was best about the relationship itself.
So i asked her,
What is it that you really want?
To be relaxed.
Have you ever been relaxed before?
Yeah, after a good cry…but i don’t remember what that feels like.
Well, what do you remember?
I remember that my shoulders relax a little.
And i’ll bet after a good cry you’ve actually relaxed your perineal muscles too, right?
Yes.
Which means that your diaphragm is a bit relaxed so your breathing will be lower and slower, right?
Yeah.
And, when you’re like this…do you like it?
Yes.
And like this, what is it you really want?
Physical attention.
So the relationship you’re in…he’s not giving you what you need or want, right? And you know this and you’ve known it for a long time. And yet you’re sacrificing the thing that’s most important to you – your life – in order to maintain a relationship that’s not a fit for you. And what’s happening is that your body is in revolt. It needs physical attention. And the longer you deny it, the louder the message becomes. And one day it could get so obscenely bad that you’d be at a party and just seeing someone else getting a massage and releasing their tension will make you run to the bathroom and cry.
And just saying this, i could hear her relax on the other end of the phone. What i was saying was not easy to hear. It was a harsh truth that she had been keeping herself from fully embodying because of the tremendous sacrifice it entailed. But as soon as she heard it, everything changed.
I like to think about this as the “oh shit” moment. It’s the moment when you actually hear and feel and know some truth you’ve been disguising in a massive charade, and all at once you know you have to do something hard. Simple, but hard. And when the revelation comes, there’s no crash of lightening or angelic choir, just your own voice in your own head speaking plain as can be, “oh shit.”
But she was already different from having heard it. And, if she’s planning on doing something more than wasting both of our time, she’ll do something about it. And though i don’t think she’s fired the starting gun of her next journey, i suspect that soon she will. In the meantime i was pleased and humbled to receive this email from her:
Devon, I just had to thank you for taking so much of your time to talk to me yesterday. I know you have done a total stranger a huge favor and I can’t find the words to let you know how much that means to me.
I have been thinking about your advice since we spoke, playing the conversation over and over in my head and trying to keep the feeling of being at peace with me throughout my day.
Please know that what you do is amazing, and very much appreciated.
Thank you again, it meant more than you know.
